Feel It!!!

Doctors say it's trauma pain, even I would like to believe that and live with that so called truth. But in vain, neither its a trauma pain, nor can I get rid of it. May be many people like me who have happened to survive fatal accidents or violence goes through a similar pain, and the society in the name of console termed it trauma pain.  Yes it's is a pain caused by trauma, but not a trauma pain. Every night is a struggle and the pain doesn't let you sleep.The trauma is long gone, the pain hasn't.  Live your pain is just a better version of live in pain.

It's not one of the best feelings, but it is one that doesn't pass.. only if it was soothing, things would have just being more beautiful.. a life, which can find beauty in every little thing has started to fade away is dismal.. mind has nothing to imagine.. blank mind is said to be the first step to salvation, trust me it's not always true. At times it could be a sign of fear.. fear of all the things which might turn out to be true, which you are scared to even imagine. One part of your heart is still smiling being nostalgic about what you were and the other part is torn apart with the realisation of new you. You pop in another sleeping pill, lie down dead on your bed just to fall asleep. Thinking you would never wake up tomorrow, and the AC in your room will keep you cool for the next couple of days atleast.. those will be the most peaceful days, a mini vacation with no phone calls, no messages and absolutely no bondage.. it's will be freedom from everything even your

Want to experience a peaceful night, one with no worries of waking up again. The night that you keep waiting for since ages, with the hope that it will end all your pain and set you free. Violence kills your soul and makes you dead with a living body. Wounds heal with time, but the scars remains forever as It makes you stronger by killing you everyday. You no longer remain you, you don't know who you are anymore. The anger in you becomes a rage with no out burst, it's a violent ocean inside and a calm surface. No body understands your pain, because it's beyond their experience. You stand for yourself and take what all comes your way, blame yourself or praise yourself for motivation.Do whatever it takes to keep moving,as it is the only choice, until death stops you.

24 hours might sound like a countdown, but for me its you. It's about all the moments that I am living, I am breathing. Your thoughts keep crossing my mind with the intensity that make me panic, gives me a sharp tingling pain in my chest. May be this is what we call 'things change with time'. 'I can't stop blushing thinking about you' used to blink on your phone then, now I just see your last seen in watsapp. At times I would stare at my phone where online will keep blinking under your name. Afraid to know what will be your excuse today for not talking to me stops me from typing ' I miss you'. Does relationship actually loses value this fast, I cant live without fades away in thin air, or i was just a piece of accumulation which you got bored off. Your presence in your absence haunts me at nights, waking up beside you, kissing you and whispering wakie wakie, suddenly changed into nightmares and waking up with anxiety. Why do you have to be present

When your man understands the hierarchy really well, and you somehow fit in the last priority, it's you who should understand that you will be always less valued. No matter how strongly you hold his back, no matter how many hardships you face together, you will be forgotten at good times.  You can't explain you are hurt, because it will be taken up for an excuse of not trying for a solution. Is my emotion, not even worth a hear out? It kept ringing in her mind. Her whole existence now became questionable. Is it really very difficult to understand love or is it easy for him to blame that you are wrong, to be precise, wrong every single time-no matter what. The phone rings and interrupts him during a gala time, her voice shievers from the otherside, " you don't even have a minute for me?" A calm voice, unaffected by her teary voice, said " you are always there in my mind". He was calmer than ever, as if he is hiding a whole world of secr

It is said you grow everyday, you learn new things and its always one step ahead. But what if you feel that you are learning the old things again and again. Rather i put it in a more simpler way, that you have never learned anything completely. Does it make you feel horrified or does it make you feel more hopeful? "Nobody understands me", that's what he told her in agony. She kept thinking... Do you?? Do you ever try to understand me, or you are just too busy to think about your weak self. Is it not normal for me to have a weaker side too. To break down at stages, and then deserve to be lifted  up by a strong man. Or is it just about you and your weak side that needs pampering. " I understand you love" faded somewhere in silence.

Going back to square one is the worst thing a person can experience.. It's like failure in literal terms,could be so demoralising,hurting and could also make you lose the whole reason of your existence. But only if you see the other side of the coin, you could understand it makes all sense.. Like it is what you are in real.. Maybe you are just done pretending to the world for what you are not and what you want the world to perceive of you. The point here which keeps bothering me is, is it necessary for the world to accept you, can you just not be yourself... The imperfect you.. The real you.. The one who cannot deal with emotional turmoils.. Who breaks down and behaves erratically.. Who Could not be like all the other people in this world. Is it ok to just be in your own world.. Just you and your silence .. Where you do not need to explain yourself.. Where you are not  answerable to anyone not even to yourself.. Where your mind can enjoy the absolute bliss of calmness. Is it ok