Feel It!!!

Baby, will you please listen to me. My heart can't keep pumping all the blood for you while I need all of it up in my brain right now. There are deadlines to meet or I am dead. The ecstasy that we shared last night had kept both of us in trance till now, and the feeling just won't go.   Two made for eachother people in a perfect relationship looks hopelessly in eachother's eyes to estimate the expiration date of their relationship. He explains, it's not that we never had a break up before, the only thing that differentiates our relationship with all the previous ones, is that we didn't know it has an expiry date. Why not make use of each moment with this special feeling, till we are not seperated.  Can we actually be seperated at heart, she started  weeping silently. He knew exactly what it means , reading between her lines was his favourite. He had no answer to this, knowing the truth for a fact. His eyes were watery and red , but he kept on smiling so that he can

 During the most difficult times, I feel a small ray of hope, or the realisation that there is something much much bigger than our tiny self exists and he is going to pull us out from this mess, is the constant food for life. You die when your hopes die, sometime in reality and sometimes metaforically.  It's easy to click pictures with rural background and smiling faces and calling ourselves as social workers whereas it is so much more difficult to live that life. You know the pain behind their smile and hard work behind those green lands and difficulties in those remoteness.  A urban planner by education and a development sector professional had to deal with the pandemic like every other person. No, I didn't suffer from covid yet, but I saw the pain that the poor people had to go through during the unending lockdowns. There are Times you decide who will get a pack of food today and who can wait, are you god, NO. Desperate situations helpless solutions. For people who don't

 Days are bearable while the night are killing, and I am surviving an emotional battle inside. Waking up to a bright morning knowing that it will be gloomy and dark in a couple of hours, l guess people live only for those few hours. It's the acceptance of the truth that gives them strength, makes them smile and hold their tears or may be it's just hope that tomorrow will be better. Each of us are in a personal war space. Many people are starving and seeing their children cry in hunger during this pandemic, while others are oblivious of whatever is happening around. 

Doctors say it's trauma pain, even I would like to believe that and live with that so called truth. But in vain, neither its a trauma pain, nor can I get rid of it. May be many people like me who have happened to survive fatal accidents or violence goes through a similar pain, and the society in the name of console termed it trauma pain.  Yes it's is a pain caused by trauma, but not a trauma pain. Every night is a struggle and the pain doesn't let you sleep.The trauma is long gone, the pain hasn't.  Live your pain is just a better version of live in pain.

It's not one of the best feelings, but it is one that doesn't pass.. only if it was soothing, things would have just being more beautiful.. a life, which can find beauty in every little thing has started to fade away is dismal.. mind has nothing to imagine.. blank mind is said to be the first step to salvation, trust me it's not always true. At times it could be a sign of fear.. fear of all the things which might turn out to be true, which you are scared to even imagine. One part of your heart is still smiling being nostalgic about what you were and the other part is torn apart with the realisation of new you. You pop in another sleeping pill, lie down dead on your bed just to fall asleep. Thinking you would never wake up tomorrow, and the AC in your room will keep you cool for the next couple of days atleast.. those will be the most peaceful days, a mini vacation with no phone calls, no messages and absolutely no bondage.. it's will be freedom from everything even your

Want to experience a peaceful night, one with no worries of waking up again. The night that you keep waiting for since ages, with the hope that it will end all your pain and set you free. Violence kills your soul and makes you dead with a living body. Wounds heal with time, but the scars remains forever as It makes you stronger by killing you everyday. You no longer remain you, you don't know who you are anymore. The anger in you becomes a rage with no out burst, it's a violent ocean inside and a calm surface. No body understands your pain, because it's beyond their experience. You stand for yourself and take what all comes your way, blame yourself or praise yourself for motivation.Do whatever it takes to keep moving,as it is the only choice, until death stops you.

24 hours might sound like a countdown, but for me its you. It's about all the moments that I am living, I am breathing. Your thoughts keep crossing my mind with the intensity that make me panic, gives me a sharp tingling pain in my chest. May be this is what we call 'things change with time'. 'I can't stop blushing thinking about you' used to blink on your phone then, now I just see your last seen in watsapp. At times I would stare at my phone where online will keep blinking under your name. Afraid to know what will be your excuse today for not talking to me stops me from typing ' I miss you'. Does relationship actually loses value this fast, I cant live without fades away in thin air, or i was just a piece of accumulation which you got bored off. Your presence in your absence haunts me at nights, waking up beside you, kissing you and whispering wakie wakie, suddenly changed into nightmares and waking up with anxiety. Why do you have to be present